Today is Tuesday. Pancake Day. On Friday just gone you began whispering. On Saturday you were still whispering. On Sunday the whisper was hiding and we were back to silence. Yesterday the whisper was back and today you were whispering this morning and by the afternoon it was silence again. A rollercoaster but I'm learning to roll with the punches. I'd give anything for you to have Selective Mutism and talk to us at home but a the moment it's not to be for whatever reason. This morning before the whisper disappeared you said 'mummy I love you'. I haven't heard you say mummy for 20 odd days, let alone that you love me. I had tears in my eyes. I missed that so much. I love you so much. How long will it be before I hear it again? Albeit in a whisper. Whisper is better than the silence. It isn't golden
Will you ever get past the whisper and speak normally? Sometimes it seems such a dream. Still haven't heard anything from the Doctors or the Paediatrician that I'm being referred to. I'm not sure how much good it will do anyway. Just more stress and anxiety for you.
So - these are things I've tried and whether they've worked or not - just because they haven't worked for you doesn't meant that they won't work for someone else..
Things I've Tried
- I bought a doll that looked just like you for you to 'talk' through. You don't do this but you do take her to ballet with you to watch you (mums aren't allowed in) and this seems to help you and gives you confidence.
- Treating you as we always have done. We talk to you as we always have done, explaining things, talking things through even though we don't get much back.
- I've taught you some basic sign language as I'm determined that you manners will not slide so you've learnt thank you, please, sorry - you made your own sign language up but this is just to help.
- I've written a childrens' book'My Sister's Voice Is Hiding In My Wardrobe' a book about Progressive Mutism - Lulu.com to enable children to recognise themselves and know there's others out there, for sibling, Pre School. I'm very pleased with this. It's helped enormously.
- I've bought a book - Helping your child with Selective Mutism by Angela E McHolm etc. Pleased with this although not quite specific to your condition but some of it is useful and relevant.
- Normalising things. Telling her that it's normal to feel shy and nervous. This seems to help.
- Giving her a whistle so that she can get my attention if she's in bed and has a bad dream etc/she also claps to get our attention.
- Along with this condition some children get very oppositional behaviour and become stubborn, defiant with severe tantrums. We have to try not to give in to this behaviour just because we want to make life easier for the child.
- The invention of 'Croc and Ali' - hands that become puppets to give them confidence (your hands go everywhere with you so therefore Croc and Ali do). Attempting to give confidence and strength even when anxious. Not sure how successful this one is yet. Still ongoing.
- Giving confidence, telling you how clever, brave, strong, beautiful you are. Ongoing.
- Writing everything down and following the book aforementioned's advice with a journal.
My daughter suffered from this for 2 years... when she did finally come out of it at age 5, she developed a stammer. I had to reteach her how to talk. It has slowed down her ability to read, but she is reading at an early level (around stage 2) at age 9. Her math skills are excellent, and she has become a well rounded young lady. It does get better sometimes, but it takes hard work and devotion. I also have a child psychology degree, which allowed me to provide her with treatments she needed.
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ReplyDeleteI've been searching for information from a different perspective. I was told by my mother that I didn't speak for an entire year between six and seven. I remember some extreme trauma and have always wrested with anxiety. I really didn't expect to find anything, thinking I was an anomaly. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteBy the way. I'm 41 now and have a big family and a successful career. I am considered by my friends to be an extrovert (although I still consider myself an introvert).
My little boy who is 5 stopped talking to anyone after his brother was taken ill with Type 1 Diabetes. It's been almost 3 months since anyone has heard his little voice. I am waiting to hear from speciallists now.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your post. It made me cry because I also miss hearing my sons voice. He has selective mutism and was doing so well. Talked a lot at home, talked to his friends and he even said one word to an adult in his kindergarten. I don't know what happened, suddenly he stopped talking to everyone.
ReplyDeleteI've been looking for more information on this because I myself had this condition and did not talk for 8 months when I was about 4. My parents say I talked perfectly fine, and a lot, up until one day when I just stopped. They say I would make noises and gestures to get their attention, but no more than that. Then one day, I just started talking again and it was like I had completely started over. I had to learn to talk again and it was like a very young child was speaking, like one that had never talked before. Eventually I got back up to the level of speech that the children my age were speaking at and I was fine since then, other than a slight lisp that I still have today.
ReplyDeleteOther than not talking, I was always very shy and have lost that shyness as the years went by. I am now 18 and still consider myself an introvert, but I'm not nearly as withdrawn and shy as I used to be.
Hello, this post is old but I will comment anyway. It's weird to think of this from a mother's point of veiw, and from a child of such a young age. My mutism didn't appear until late primary school, though we suspected it was coming because I got my dad's dodgy genes. Since then it has "progressed" though I've only come across this term recently. Anyway, like I said, it's strange to think of what it's like for my parents dealing with the mutism. I can still speak to them at home but it's scary to think that one day I wont. The good news is that since the SM has appeared at such a young age, it'll probably go away on its own, and especially with treatment sh should make a full recovery. She may even be better by now- I hope so. I'm not sure what the purpose of this comment was... anonymous venting I suppose. Well, have a nice day!
ReplyDeleteThree years from the last post and here I am just finding information about my son who started progressive mutism at the age of 6. First I thought he chose not to speak, then realised he indeed was not going to do so. I have tried to make him make some sounds or use his voice so he can be imitated by "talking Tom" but in vain. He will be turning 20 thus year, is not shy, hears properly, has intellectual disabilities and also presents with Down's syndrome. He had congenital heart defects but had a successful open heart surgery at the age of 11 months. I just wish that one day I could hear his voice once again! Hearing that there are others like him has given me relief as I only knew of the deaf and deaf-mute! i hope to get more views from those who are like him. Unfortunately due to his intwellectual challenge he can neither read nor write, otherwise I was going to ask him to chat with others with his disability.
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